Providence

I mentioned the ripple effect, i'll explain what it was for me. There's actually a real word for it, its called providence. Let me take it from the end of one meaningful phase of my life. I was jobless after ORDing from the army. I learnt a lot about being a man there, and realised its not all about being aggressive. I had become a man, and knew it, and that meant a lot. A lot of what i learnt in the army was of how far my body could go. I experienced things that nobody would do to strengthen themselves consiously, and learnt some things about myself. I learnt the meaning of integrity. There can be valuable lessons to be learnt when you're forced to suffer. You realise that you could actually go further than how much you actually imagined and mentally limited your ability. What you can do with your body relies in your mind. Its such a valuable lesson i wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. Because it cant be taught. When someone says "It's in the mind" to someone who hasn't experienced the meaning of that phrase it will only be a cliche'. There are somethings you can only teach yourself. And i'm grateful i was able to realise it for myself.

So i was finally free, free to decide. Decide what i am to do with the rest of life. Most of my life i was always drifting. Drifting. Honestly. Thats how i truly felt, i went where the wind blew. I went where it felt natural to go. I always believed in following your heart. But i wasnt really going anywhere. I was going nowhere fast. I didnt know where i really wanted to go, but i knew for sure wanted to do something i was passionate for. Work takes up a lot of most people's time, and if you're going to do a job you hate, what's your life to become? This is how i was thinking, and i still do. Life should mean more. I never gave in to fear of security and signed on. I've always had more faith in myself than that. Even when i didnt have much self esteem, i still had faith. Maybe thats why i was able to break away. And now i have both. And more. I have a belief.

I was losing, i was going nowhere even faster. My source of income disappeared, my expenses didnt. In fact my girlfriend expected me to support her. Maybe she thought i had a bank account to fall back on. Sure i did. My bank acount had like only 1000. And it went much below 500 after 2 months. I only started saving harder towards the end of my service, when i realised i was drifting towards a waterfall. My service was shortened by 2 months, but thats no excuse. If i was responsible with my finances, 2 years would have been more than enough, to have a bank account to fall back on. But i wasnt responsible, i was in the comfort zone. I wanted to enjoy the money i did so much to earn. Wasnt i entitled to? Sure i was. Its just that no one was entitled to be responsible for my financial well being but myself. So it was taken away from me. Someone moved my cheese. Most of my army brothers had plans to further their studies overseas or locally. After my time in the army, i actually felt like i missed studying. I also realised how i took my polytechnic education for granted, and would've liked to make it count with another shot. I was thinking of working part time and studying part time for a period, and later thinking of joining the teaching career. I have a passion for teaching, because i have a belief in communication. But something happened that removed the journey i was about to embark on, which was teaching. It was the ripple.

I was introduced by a commando friend, William, to an mlm company. I never had an experience with the industry, so i didnt have a perception to judge without seeing for myself. I was told it was a marketing/sales job, and so i went to meet him. I was absolutely drained of money at the time, and i gave him a chance, although a friend discouraged me. I went, i saw a system i never knew about, i developed a belief, i learnt some things, witnessed some strange behaviour, and i even "sold" something to my ex girlfriend. But it didnt feel right. William could sense i wasn't too elated, and told me, "Hey bro, you just closed you first deal! You should be happy!" Yeah maybe i should've. But i felt guilty instead, because my ex informed me that they bought it even though they didnt have much money because it was me, and because William was so sincerely persistent.
So i left, even though it was an industry that could make me wealthy, if i was willing to do what was required. But it just didnt feel right. In a way felt like taking money from my own people to get rich. But that apparent big mistake, or total waste of time and money, was actually the tiny rock that led me to my journey of aquiring knowledge. I now have a deep desire for knowledge and learning that i never in my life really had. How it did form? To be continued...